• April 22, 2015

Heidi Ng - from Singapore - Japan 2016-2017

I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind...
(Francis Thomson, ‘The Hound of Heaven’)

I am Heidi, I am 26 years old and I am a wimp. Or at least, a whiner at heart. Like Jonah who ran from God, who dra­mat­i­cally exclaimed, “just let me die!” when his mis­sion did not go as envi­sioned, who deserted Nineveh and ran — again! — into the desert, found shade under a plant, and then pro­ceeded to sulk petu­lantly at God when the plant died. I am like that; run­ning, fearful, resentful, and attached to my own ways and com­fort.

I am from Singapore, a little country in Asia. In world rank­ings, it is a) one of the most wired coun­tries, b) amongst the wealth­iest, c) with the fastest walkers and...c) with the most unemo­tional and unhappy people. It is not a crit­i­cism of my beloved country, rather, a reflec­tion that amidst the frenzy and dis­trac­tions of this world, the human heart hungers for some­thing beyond the ful­fil­ment of mate­rial wants. Here, I am com­fort­able working in the social ser­vices, teaching cat­e­chism during the week­ends, and vol­un­teering for the occa­sional cause. Like the rich man in the temple, I had been con­tent to merely give out of my abun­dance, be it time, money or love, but God wanted more, down to the two mites I have been with­holding - my attach­ments and my self. He led me to Heart’s Home, where as mis­sion­aries, we are called to walk in a spirit of self-detach­ment and self-giving.

Francis (the poet, not the pope), Jonah and I, we have some­thing in common. God has acted as the patient pur­suer, as reluc­tant as we were, as unworthy as we are. We had to wrestle with the world and our wants, finally making a choice; to follow or not. Even in fol­lowing, there are bat­tles yet. Perhaps dear reader, you iden­tify with my strug­gles and want to accom­pany me through them. If so, I humbly ask you to embark on this journey with me, as I carry out the mis­sion in Sendai, Japan, a place dev­as­tated by the 2011 Tsunami, yet whose people, their spirits unde­feated, forge on bravely in rebuilding efforts.

Together, we will be the pur­suers now, seeking God amongst His people. I cannot wait for our journey to start, for the friends that we will make, and for the Love that patiently awaits.

’Rise, clasp My hand, and come!’
’Ah, fondest, blin­dest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.’

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